I sometimes wonder why....?

It's usually around five or so on an evening, when I've still got a couple of hours before the girls go to bed and after an already long day, that I wonder WHY? Why am I trying so hard to build a business when I've got a good Degree and a Post Grad (nothing relevant, French, Politics and Law) and before I had Laura I had a really well paid job... I could go back to doing something like that and then about five I would be looking forward to an evening of chillin.. probably a bit of cleaning and ironing but no stress, no back ache oh and a nice salary every month... On paper I'm probably certifiably mad!

The thing is I hated my well paid job, it was boring beyond belief and I had absolutely no intention of returning after my maternity leave, I had always wanted to do something creative and work for myself and I figured that at some point once my babies were big enough I'd get round to it.

However, the reality at the moment is so far removed from the dream that when I'm not physically there in the kitchen working on a cake, I do think I am crazy. But about 7.30 when both girls are tucked up in bed and I am cleaning down the kitchen ready for a nights work, ipod switched as loud as I can without waking them, I'm in my happy place... I feel centred and that anything is possible. I start to remember the dream and want to make it work and I really believe I can.

I was working on 100 of tiny flowers tonight, and covering the bottom tier of the wedding cake, which is fruit and therefore can be worked on in advance and it just felt so right.... Nothing really exciting or ground breaking but it reassured me that despite all the madness I'm on the right track.